How To Swing As A Single Guy

Swinging as a single man may at first seem impossible –  there is a sea of other men, single women seem revered and rare, events often charge more for entry or prohibit you entirely - and yet the single man, if he knows what he’s doing, is among the best placed of individuals to become king of the swingers.
Here is where you can shine:

Cuckold/stag/MMF dynamics

Many couples exclusively seek another man for their play.  This can vary in style, and is less common than say, unicorn hunters (couples looking for a single bisexual woman), yet they certainly exist and are often among the more experienced (and hence, mellow, fun and drama-free) couples on the swing scene.  You can search on many apps for this as an interest, or there are nights specifically aimed at swingers for whom this is the primary interest.

How to be selected online

Though, indeed, most sites are swamped with men, the ‘quality’ of them is often not up to scratch for the wishes of most single women and couples.  Ensure you make a good profile, with attractive face and body pictures (full nudity is generally not recommended) and write a nice paragraph or two about your interests and what makes you special.  Most people are looking for someone who they could see themselves unashamedly dating (even if that is not what you are looking for) so show how well you scrub up in a suit, spellcheck your profile and highlight everything about you that makes you look like sexy boyfriend material.  Avoid negative statements like ‘no time wasters’ or extensive lists of physical characteristics you are looking for.  Keep it positive, say things you like about yourself and others, and unless your teeth are truly diabolical, ensure you have a photo where you are smiling.  Don’t send unsolicited nudes of photos of your genitals.  Send a pleasant message, with a touch of humour, and tailor it to the written profile of your prospective play partner.  Don’t lie about your height by more than 2 inches.   Women at events will usually be in 4 inch heels and having them tower over you may affect your confidence.  You will get more replies from a good profile and carefully crafted message with 20 women, than you will by cut-and-paste message-bombing 2000 women.

How to become a favourite with the single women

Unlike most men on the swing scene, who often see themselves as lone wolves, the single women tend to form large groups of 50-200 friends, who share information with each other in a sort of hive-mind.  Remember this when you meet one.  Whether or not you find her especially attractive, want to see her again or consider her what you are looking for, she is your first impression and interview to get to meet the other 199 she knows.  If you are rude, drunk and unpleasant, sexually lazy or have been blatantly dishonest in your self-description, all the other single women will know within 2 days.  This will be devastating for your chances on the scene. 
Conversely, this is also your opportunity to win big-time.  If you are nicely dressed, charming, generous, polite and sexually talented, she will report back to all the others she knows that you are ‘one of the rare good ones’.  You’ll then find yourself with women messaging you out of the blue (I’m not kidding) wanting to meet, asking you to attend swinger parties with them as their partner for the night, or even inviting you to free private parties and events.  Treat them all well, and you will secure your place in their hearts and loins as someone to keep in their circle.  Then it’s easy.  You’ll spend your weekends lounging in a hot tub surrounded by scantily clad women just desperate to try you out.  And isn’t that why you wanted to do this in the first place?

How to walk into a swinger event as the alpha male and win the room

Many men are extremely nervous about attending a swinger event, especially alone.  The numbers of single men will usually be regulated by the management, and a close eye will be kept on you by security throughout the night.  Why is this?  Because, by and large, half of them may be thrown out by midnight. 
There are two ways men can play this challenging scenario, choose who you’d like to be.

1. You come in smiling, well-dressed, showered and looking your best.  You circle the room, say hi to everyone in turn of any gender, acting like you are having the time of your life, fit right in, and that they are all old friends of yours, even though you’ve never met.  Dance like a madman, laugh loudly, crack jokes.  Use large, expansive body language.  Make eye contact and smile at everyone.  Find those who look nervous and target them to speak to first.  Not sexually, just friendly.  Like you are walking into your own birthday party.  Fifteen minutes later, circle back to those who were most receptive. Engage them in a jovial 2 minute conversation.  Ignore anyone you are actually interested in playing with.  Step 3, start choosing people for longer conversations.  By this point you’ve established yourself to the entire room as a fun, non-threatening, yet confident man.  Your objects of actual interest will have noticed.  Flirt gently with those you aren’t interested in and the women (or men) you want will notice and a small sense of competition will stir within them if they find you attractive.  At this point, who won’t?  Next, if those you are interested in have not taken the initiative to approach you, you can dangle a lure in front of them.  This might be a brief conversation (less than 2 minutes), or even eye contact, a smile, and gesturing them over.  You’ll need to read their response to decide what is appropriate.  When you’ve received indicators of interest from your prospective play partner, you can propose a little playtime based around what they’ve told you they are looking for.  Make it about their pleasure, use protection without being asked and you may even find others want to come join you.  Give yourself a pat on the back for a game well played.  
2. You walk in feeling terrified, knowing nobody.  Because of this, you hang back against the wall, watching.  Probably drinking too much because of nerves.  Eventually the alcohol lowers your inhibitions, and having spoken to no one all night you see people pair off (or 3, or 4 off) and start to play.  You wander towards them, aroused.  Not sure what to say.  They are already fully involved in what they came to do.  You stand there with yourself in your hand, looming over the frolicking swingers, an uninvited guest, making everyone uncomfortable.  You aren’t sure what to say at this point, so you come closer and reach in with a hand to touch…then they stop playing, tell you to get away from them and security throws you out for being a creep.

​They say a good man is hard to find, and nowhere is this so true as the swing scene.  Once you show yourself to be this – a charming, confident, capable and sexual creature, then the world will be your oyster.  The single women, couples and everyone else will adore you and value your presence as their sexual playmate.  This is the key to your success.

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The Author

Our today's guest post is written by Alice Hunter, a writer for the London alternative sexuality scene, examining issues in swinging, kink, lgbtqia+ inclusion and the endless hunt for utopia.

She wrote the book Unicorns and How to Hunt Them: How to Score a Threesome Like a Pro​
Check out her blog  www.unicornhunting.blog
She also published an interview about us:
​The Naked Interview with Swinger Symbol