Introducing Your Partner to Swinging

Whether you're exploring the swinger lifestyle for the first time or have enjoyed shared passions in the past, introducing a new partner to swinging is a complex and delicate experience. In a world where we are socialized to believe that monogamy is the "norm" (how boring!), sometimes both we and our partners must disconnect from this unnecessary programming in order to get in touch with our true sexual selves. The only real, healthy, active swinging relationship that can exist is one with mutual consent, so it's key to get the discussion started in a respectful way that acknowledges your partner's needs, insecurities and boundaries.

How to get your partner to swing?

When a partner is hesitant to experiment with the swinger lifestyle or open a relationship, one of the most common reasons is the sense that they are somehow "not enough". They feel that their partner is attempting to replace them. As we know, this is far from true! Swinging is about celebrating differences, not condemning perceived shortcomings. It's not a way to fix relationship dissatisfaction - if you're experiencing this, we encourage you to work things out at home first. Swinging experiences are far more positive and pleasurable when they are sought as an enhancement rather than a solution. Choosing to swing can be seen as a testament to a couple's strength as a unit. You may remind your partner of the invigorated feelings of confidence and pleasure that can come with meeting new people, reminding them that it is a positive and uplifting part of the human experience that you'd like for you both to have without in any way diminishing your bond. Your partner is a beautiful person, and you are as willing to share them as you are to share yourself.

Freedom of Expression

For partners who are very new to the idea of swinging, the pervasive social view of monogamy as normalcy is something that must be overcome. The idea that sex only exists to express a singular love between two partners no longer serves us practically in the way that it did before the evolution of basic gender equality and safe sex. A relationship does not have to be closed in order for it to be meaningful, life-long and the source of great personal fulfillment. Additionally, either partner's desire to express their sexual self outside of monogamy does not make an existing relationship less special - you may in fact be so closely bonded to your partner that they have become a fundamental part of your life, making you feel all the more secure in your desire for personal exploration.

Expressions of Boundaries

All relationships thrive on communication. Boundaries are healthy, normal, expected and needed in any swinging relationship - otherwise, there would be no sense in calling it a relationship. Openness and honesty are required to reach a conclusion that everyone feels good about, and these conversations can get emotional. Remember, both you and your partner may still be unlearning toxic ideas about sexual openness. A true expression of needs, feelings and even difficult truths from both you and your partner is paramount and absolutely necessary in order to achieve productive communication and progress toward an arrangement that feels comfortable for everyone involved. It's important that you be willing to respect your partner's boundaries, even if they're more stringent than your own. In fact, being willing to lead by example and offering a level of openness your partner may not be ready to extend is a gesture of good faith, rather than trying to match with "if I can't, you can't" statements. Many times, experiences feel more comfortable and acceptable after their reality is perceived.

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The swinging lifestyle is a beautiful and open minded way to express your sexual freedom. When you ask your partner to swing, it shouldn't be an argument or a source of resentment, nor does it have to be. It may not be a discussion that happens all at once - in fact it may span days, weeks or months. Access to the vast wealth of knowledge and the community of informed, experienced and happy swingers that exists online can help your partner see how common this form of sexual expression has become. By being totally open and honest, receptive to boundaries and patient with each other's changing attitudes, the decision to swing may bring you and your partner closer together than ever before.